Chronicles of the Ass Seeker: Day Third, Chapter First, Part Two

The fat 566lbs neckbeard was leaning over me. He had a big, black, bushy beard with small chunks of tendies stuck in it, short black hair, glasses and of course – a vedora. His smell was unbearable. He was also armed with 3 katanas with different lengths – one small, one medium and one very long.
His leather jacket was the most interesting part of his appearance. It was so black it almost didn’t reflect any light at all. It was both long and wide enough to completely cover the fat neckbeard’s body, from neck to toes, so that he would become almost completely invisible when hiding in the dark.
“Are you okay, sir?” he whispered.
“Who are you?” I said.
“Johnathan, nice to meet you. I didn’t expect to see another living person here. Anyway, you had a really terrible nightmare. It was about some ass or something…”
“*How does he know this?!*” I thought.
“Hmm *giggles*, you seem pretty surprised from my knowledge and abilities… Oh well, I guess I’ll have to tell you how it all happened…
I was meditating on this enchanted marble block that you’re lying on to try and connect better with my deeper inter self. I was in the space between the dreams of the people, where all the true knowledge is hidden. In this space you can freely enter other people’s dreams and thoughts to find answers to your questions. It’s truly amazing how strong and powerful one can become just by chilling in other people’s dreams. Yeah, I can talk a lot about that place, but let’s leave this for another time, shall we?
Suddenly I sensed a big disturbance. I wanted to find the source out of curiosity, so I dived deeper into meditation. After a minute of searching I found your dream. Then I saw you running in the direction of some sort of… an ass *?*
And then I watched you fight with some birds and the creature of jet-black. It used its power to try and knock you out of the dream.
“Yes, the anorexia…” I thought.
By the way – Jonny continued – to wake up from a dream by yourself is pretty much ok, to be knocked out of a dream by force however is extremely dangerous. It won’t kill you, but it will damage your head and brain. For example:
*inhales*
you might not be able to use spoons and forks, lose a chunk of your memories, get traumatized, lose your sense of balance, develop hearing problems over time, lose years of muscle memories, get a hair loss, damage your sight, get an Alzheimer’s, not feel anything from the 3rd vertebrae down, get brain cancer, have problems seeing transparent objects, become attracted to sheep and oxen, your hair might lose pigment for good, develop allergies to pollen, your sight might become oversensitive to UV light, become retarded and many, many more…
So it was only natural that I, knowing very well all of these these facts, would go to rescue someone who’s in danger of getting his brained turned to mush.

Right after you were sent flying to the boundaries of your dream (and mental retardation) by the black creature, I drew my wakizashi (small katana) and swung it, destroying all the atoms and molecules between me and the borders of the dream and therefore creating enough vacuum to send me flying with supersonic speed right in your direction. And then, moments later, I entered the dream and was centimeters away from you. 14 nanoseconds later I was able to catch your hand. At that moment we were both flying at each other fast enough to break the sound barrier. So, to avoid your certain death from the impact, I woke up from my meditation just moments before we crashed.
I then woke up here with you by my side.
I have been treating your wounds with the mystic dew of the mountain, to not only heal your body, but your mind as well.

No need to thank me . *tips vedora*
By the way, how are you feeling?”
“Good” I said.
“Nice. Then if you have enough strengh to walk, please follow me…”
Then I stood up and followed Jonny to his home.